Chapter 15 (post three)

Author's note: So here is the next and last section of chapter fifteen! I still have not cracked open my books yet today -- I am so bad! But I will, I will,  or that's what I keep telling myself anyways lol. Anyways, read away.

Chapter fifteen, section three:

Jake called, but talking to him that way wasn’t the same as talking to him in person. Without being able to see his smile and watch his eyes, I couldn’t get the same high as I had the night before. I think he could tell, since after a while he asked, “Are you ok? You seem a little down.”

I made up a lie about a test I had the next, which accidentally cut our conversation short, since he insisted that he was only distracting me and that I needed to study. When he hung up, I realized he really had been distracting me, but how I wanted that distraction back.

I tried to occupy myself with homework, but everything bored me. I remembered when all I would need to do when I was feeling down was wander downstairs.

I would typically hide in my room until I felt so lonely I could hardly take it, and then slowly, in my PJs and a hoodie, I would creep down the stairs. My mom would be about, cleaning something or reading, usually in the kitchen. My sisters would be watching television in the living room if they weren’t up in their rooms. I would sneak past my sisters into the kitchen, where my mom would look up from whatever she was doing and know instantly something was wrong. When I flopped into a chair, she’d sit on the other side of the table, reach across for my hand, and say, “Honey, is everything ok?” This was the cue for me to start my rant on whatever it was that was bothering me. I would go on and on, my mother hardly getting a word in, but that was what made me feel better, ranting, and she understood that.

Then, sitting at my desk in my cold blue room, I closed my eyes and pictured my mom. She wore her hair back, in a low bun or ponytail, and very little makeup, or so it always seemed. She could take an hour in the bathroom and emerge looking as though all she’d done was apply some mascara. Her eyes were a deep blue, caring and kind when they looked into mine. They could sparkle when she laughed, or break your heart when she cried. My mother didn’t dress much like a mother. I’d always been proud of that, as though that made her much cooler than all my friends’ mothers. I don’t know if it was this or her open, kind energy that made all my friends like her so much. When they’d come over, my mom would talk to them as if they were her own friends, and I never felt bad for leaving a guest while I went to change or look for something because of this. My mom’s hands aged without her permission. She could hide her small wrinkles with her talent with a brush and palette, but her hands I watched age slowly. They began to remind me of my grandmother’s, back when I had seen her and they were talking to one another, although my mother’s hands were still much smoother.

I could feel her hands wrap around mine as tears dripped down my face.

Chapter 15 (post two)

Pre-read author's note: So here's the next section to chapter fifteen. I know I should be studying right now and I honestly will ... soon. I tried to write last night but got nowhere. The section I'm supposed to be writing now is too happy for my mood. I write how I feel, and if I don't feel the way the character is supposed to be feeling, then it just doesn't work out. So I'm getting nowhere in my novel and in my studying. Just great isn't it!  Anyways, enough of my rambling to no one, here the next section.

Chapter fifteen, section two:

I approached Amy countless times, but she’d always walk away. Her entourage would follow then I’d be left by myself, standing awkwardly amongst students walking past staring at me.

I’d never been whispered or gossiped about before, I’d always tried to avoid those terribly clichéd groups of people who would do that to you. It was odd, since before I had not socialized with those people, and here I was outcast, but wanted so badly to be back in. I guess Amy could pass rumours quickly. Students who I’d never met or even seen before whispered behind my back, stared at me as I passed. I heard them say, at one point, that’d I was secretly dating that football player. I turned around to tell those stupid students that what they were whispering about were all lies, but when I looked them in the eyes, they stared at me bug-eyed and I lost my confidence.

Confidence is a funny thing like that. They say you have it or you don’t, but they don’t say how easily it can be taken from you. Maybe I was just never a confident person, but I never felt so low on self-esteem as I did that day.

When the last bell finally rang, I basically ran to my dorm, locking the world out behind me.

Chapter 15 (post one)

Before you read the next chapter...

A short section! So I can ramble! Muhaha!

Ok, so I still am not writing >.< But I WANT to! Which is a good sign! I have exams to study for, however, so they take priority (at least most of the time). As soon as I have spare time, though, the word count on this crazy draft will be rising. 

So here is where I emphasize draft again. I have a general idea where I want the story to end up, but I'm having trouble filling in the space between. I also need to figure out what is really up with this society. I think I want to find problems in our society then blow them up in this society. Right now originality is a big thing, and I'm thinking I could work gender relations in pretty easily. Opinions and suggestions would be great though, cause I'm still not sure.

This section is very brief and I'm thinking I need to up the impact in the small section. Comments are greatly appreciated!

Chapter fifteen, section one (pg 46 for my reference): 

When I woke up the next morning, it hit me. The night with Jake had wiped the details of my life from my mind, leaving me in a daze as I fell asleep. Yet, as soon as I was awake, I recalled the fact I didn’t know where I would be sitting in English that morning. The seat beside Cara and Amy would either have my replacement, or else they would be on the other side of the room, and the seats beside me would be empty.

I dressed slowly, trying to think about the past instead of the future. I slipped into a polo, thinking about the way Jake’s hand had felt, my wings opening and closing on their own accord. As I pulled my knee-high socks over my calves, I thought about the way my head fit perfectly into the slot of his shoulder.

Walking to the school building, I went over the whole night in my mind. When I reached the classroom door, I decided that I had had the most wonderful night of my life, and nothing could take away from that.

I stepped into the classroom with confidence, confidence that slowly crept from my grasp as I searched for a seat. The seat where I normally sat was taken by a brunette whose name I didn’t recall, but who I had seen before. The only empty seats seemed to be on the other side of the room, and whenever I tried to sit next to a familiar face, they would place their bags in the way, mumbling something about saving a seat. Finally I found a pair of empty desks at the back, where I hid for the rest of the class.

Chapter 14 (post two)

Pre-read note: I find that this chapter is quite a jump from the last, and through editing I plan on changing that. The is supposed to be cheesy romantic, but if it doesn't make sense, or makes you want to vomit, let me know. Thanks. :)

Chapter fourteen, section two:

My classes passed slowly. I noticed Cara, Chantel and Amy all ignored me. I kept trying to tell myself that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I kept feeling like it wasn’t true. I had smiled, I had encouraged it.

I tried to catch up with some other people, but most of the people I usually hung out with were Amy’s friends, and they had a million excuses not to talk to me.

I walked back to the residence by myself. The walls seemed extra blank, the floor extra cold. I changed out of my uniform and into my sweats, and then headed to the roof top. The sky was clouding over and threatening rain, but I didn’t mind. The sun would have just been mocking me anyways.

The space on the roof was empty, but comforting. I sat on some metal box that was only a few feet high, facing the school grounds below. There was something about sitting by myself looking down on everyone else that gave me a sense of space, as well as a bit of a thrill. No one knew where I was, no one could find me. I’d brought my cell outside this time, though, in case Jake called, so I wouldn’t miss it like the other day.

I fought the urge to go back downstairs and demand to talk to Amy, or anyone for that matter. It wouldn’t make a difference anyways. Amy was still too angry to see reason, and her loyal friends would stick by her.

I now understood what it was like to be on the other side of the popular group. Before, I had always just been in the middle somewhere, never friends with them nor disliked by them. I knew their names, and maybe they knew mine too, but I didn’t talk to them unless I had to. Here, I had been on the inside for the first time, and I could now see its downfalls. Popularity is a tough, fragile thing. Only the top people have the least bit of stability, and that was only if they had people who would be on their side whatever may come.

My phone rang then, while I was watching people and psychoanalysing teenage popularity. I answered it, my fingers crossed hoping it was Jake; my toes crossed hoping it was Amy.

“Hello?”

“Hey, New Wings, it’s Jake.”

My face instantly lit into a smile. “Hey, how are you?”

“I’m good. I was just calling because I realized I never took you to buy shampoo or soap. I meant to take you the other day, but I couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“Oh! I’m sorry about that; I didn’t have my phone on me. But I when I went shopping with some friends the other day, I got some.”

“Oh, good! I’m glad you’re making friends already, too.”

“Oh, yeah,” I lied. “There are so many nice people here.” He didn’t need to know that no one was currently talking to me, he seemed too happy.

“Does that mean you are busy today?”

“I’m free, actually.”

He said he’d drop by, and I told him I was on the roof.  I hung up, my mood suddenly lighter.

When Jake arrived, I slid over and made space for him beside me. I could feel the warmth of his body as our hips touched, and although there was more than enough room for me to slide down further, I didn’t. He didn’t seem to mind.

We talked about nothing, but that nothing was what made my day. I couldn’t feel sad when I was sitting beside him, there was no possible way. He had a spark in his eyes and a catching smile that you couldn’t ignore. When he was happy, you were too.

We discussed friends, school, life. He answered my questions.

“Why is this world without art?” “They don’t think it is necessary, and it’s too costly to produce too much of too many products.”

“Why do they not have more colours in different products?” “Products can be more easily made and distributed if they only come in limited colours, and most of the time black, gray or white are the more versatile and easy colours to make a product.”

“Why is this society so concerned with money and profit?” The response came sarcastically, “What society isn’t?”

As I thought about this, we sat in silence. By now the sun was getting low in the sky.

“We are going to miss the sunset at the beach.” I pointed out.

“I don’t mind,” he said and then he mumbled something under his breath.

“What did you say?”

“Just that, it doesn’t really matter where I see it,” slowly came his answer, “It’s just, nice, you know, to see it with someone.”

I watched his face, but it was unmoving. His eyes were set on the distance, his grin crooked, and even when he turned and caught my eye, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He didn’t turn away, he just kept watching me. I smiled with embarrassment.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

He looked out over the grounds again. There was no one around; everyone must have been in the cafeteria eating dinner by now. The sun kept sinking lower, the clouds sitting on top.

“I can’t tell what you’re thinking, either,” he said.

I watched the light dance around the sky, a watercolour painting, with thick lines defining the clouds and the water washing them all together, and said, “I wonder if the clouds wish they could sink with the sun, travel to the other side of the earth.”

I realized how strange this sounded out loud, and I laughed. He joined in, but said, “If you were the sun, and I was the clouds, I would follow.”

This threw me aback. I think it did for him too, as though the words had just fallen out, because his eyes set back on the sun and his face returned to its unreadable state.

I whispered slowly, “If I was the sun, and you were the clouds, I don’t think I would set.”

He didn’t respond, he didn’t even look at me, but I suddenly felt his hand wrap around mine. I placed my head carefully on his shoulder, and when he didn’t protest, we watched the world sink in pinks and reds, our bodies intertwined.

Chapter 14 (post one)

Pre-note: This section is the being a s small conflict. Please let me know if you find it at all confusing. Also, I do so much telling instead of showing throughout New Wings... >.< The more I read back, the more I need to change! So much work! lol anyways...

Chapter fourteen, section one:

We settled into our usual half circle, close enough to the other lawn that we could watch easily, while far enough from the road that the occasional car wouldn’t disrupt conversation.

There was discussion about dresses and hair, although as soon as the football players walked out across the lawn, all eyes were on them. I watched them settle into their usual spot, their collars blowing the breeze. They were probably the best looking boys on the lawn, and I could easily see why they were the subject of the crushes. The one boy’s hair even fell in his eyes the same way Jake’s did, and the other wore the same brown flip-flops. The one with the hair falling in his face tucked it behind his ear and our eyes caught for a moment. He smiled, not breaking eye contact, and I smiled back. But just as suddenly as the moment had begun, it ended. I quickly turned away, feeling like a little child who has stolen from the cookie jar. This boy, 68 or 56 or something, was off bounds.

I couldn’t shake the guilt in my stomach. It mimicked something like hunger, and I realized that perhaps I should’ve grabbed a sandwich when everyone else had. At least then I would have a purpose, something to distract myself from what I had done. I quickly excused myself, and although the girls’ conversation had come to almost a halt, they didn’t say a word. I got up and began to walk towards the buildings.

My back was to the boys the whole time, so I missed some key things that I am sure occurred. I didn’t see the boy walk confidently across the road towards the group I’d just been sitting with, nor did I see a couple of his friends follow him. I didn’t see the joy spread across Chantel’s face as 56 came up to her, mentioning something about the football game, then asking her to the dance, all in one run-on sentence. I didn’t see Amy’s face brighten with anticipation as 68 came towards her, nor did I see it fall as he walked right on past the group.

The boy with the hair in his eyes tapped me on the back as I walked towards the cafeteria. I turned around, expecting it to be one of the girls, but froze when I saw who it was.

“Hey,” he said, smiling. “Where are you going?”

I could see he was joking around, making small talk, and I could hardly resist the urge to walk away. I hadn’t even seen Amy’s face at this point.

“I’m just going to the, uh, caf,” I said awkwardly, turning myself away from him and towards my destination.

“Are you going to the dance this Friday?”

“Um, yeah,” I said, trying to sound unwary already.

“Would you like to go with me?”

He seemed so confident, the way he knew what he wanted to say and just said, and so cute, the way he smiled at me. If it was back on earth, I would’ve jumped at the opportunity. However, here in Heaven, I had something in my gut saying no.

“Um, sorry, but I can’t,” I said quickly, and then turned, “See you around.”

He probably watched me as I speed-walked to the caf, but I never turned around. He was most likely shocked I’d turned him down, as I’m sure that didn’t occur often in these odd dating rituals. I made it to the caf and bought a sandwich with lots of time to spare before class, but I ate alone in the building. I was avoiding people, hoping the feeling in my stomach would go away. That feeling that I’d almost crossed some line, some deep rooted girl code in this world, and at the same time, almost betrayed my feelings for someone else.