A love story for teens by a teen with no love life.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Chapter 6


Pre-note: I am trying to work on my novel more often, so to encourage that, I'll be posting more often. This is Chapter 6, but I think I'm going to be eventually moving Chapters 4 and 5 around, so I don't really know what chapter this will be when I'm done writing/editing. 
Please comment. I'd appreciate feedback. 
Thanks!

Chapter six:
In the car again, I finally started a stream of questions that would last for weeks.
“Is time the same here as it is back home?”
“It works the same way, with twenty-four hours and seven days, but it’s not in sync with the other world.”
“So I go to school from Monday to Friday?”
“Yes, although many people work Monday to Saturday.”
“People have jobs here?”
“Yes. Our society works very much like the one you came from, with people working during the day and earning our version of money.”
“There’s money here?”
“Yes, except our currency isn’t dollars, its ____. But, it works the same way as dollars.”
“So, you have cash?”
“Open the compartment in front of you and there will probably be some change.”
I opened the glove compartment in front of my passenger seat to find it crowded with papers, napkins and little coins. They reminded me of American change, all the same colour with a man’s head on one side and a picture of a building on the other.
“So, people earn these?”
“Yeah. Those are like cents, not much. We have paper money too, worth more, but most people use bank cards.”
“Do you get paid for this job, being a Guider?” I popped the change back into the compartment and proceeded to investigate the knobs and dials on the dashboard. There were twice as many than on the dashboard of the cars back on earth, as well as a touch screen acting as a GPS.  
“Yes, by the city government.”
“You have governments?” I pushed some buttons out of curiosity, but nothing happened. Jake’s eyes stayed glued to the road ahead.
“Our world works very much like the Western society you came from, almost exactly the same in the ways of government, currency, education and jobs.”
Suddenly the car was blasted with pop music – I’d found the radio. Jake jumped, then reached over and turned it down.   
“I guess the music is similar too?” I laughed.
Jake smiled, but said, “Not quite.”
“Really?” I said, turning the music back up a little. “It sounds the same.”
“It’s the same kind of music, but, not quite. There are only three radio stations – one country, one pop and one classical. Each station only has a handful of artists to pick from.”
“Why?” I asked, bobbing my head to the music.
“That’s just the way it is. You’ll find it’s similar with clothes, art, furniture and those kinds of things. It’s easier to sell and distribute items if there’s only so much of it, available only in certain colours and designs.”
“Oh,” I said. “But wouldn’t that get boring?”
Jake hesitated, but said, “Nah. They still come out with new songs all the time.”
 I paused, listening as a new rhythm filled the car, and then asked, “Where are we going?”
“Shopping, of course. You need school supplies.”

3 comments:

  1. I find Jake's dialogue a little stiff in this section, but the intrigue is certainly there. Also he repeats himself (not quite x 2) and some dialogue is unclear where it gets too colloquial (I know it's an oxymoron to have overcolloquial dialogue but "worth more" thrown in between commas is a little confusing at first glance).

    Am I a bad commentator?

    Should I be merely bleating your praises?

    I can do that too.

    *BAAAAA ANJA YOU ARE SO GREEAAAAAT BAAAAA I JUST THOUGHT YOU ALREADY KNEW BAAAAA ITS QUITE OBVIOUS BAAAAAA*

    Let me know because when people say "Comment!" I usually spew out everything I'm thinking and then they look at me like I just ate their dog raw in front of them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ok, I'll go over all that. I think I sometimes forget to write dialogue like dialogue when I'm trying to get all sorts of information across!
    No, a good commentator!
    LMAO.
    No, no. It's always great to hear how great I am, but I can't go back over my drafts and improve anything if all I have to go on is "BAA YOU ARE SO GREAT." LMAO. :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anja u need to find a word for the curency it's driving me insane that it doesn't have a name!!!!

    ReplyDelete