Pre-note: This is the end of chapter seventeen. Soon I'll be caught up and will have posted everything I have (ok, well, except my very rough ending). I have a bit more than 21 chapters written in total, so I still have a while though. I don't want to study.... don't want to, don't want to, don't want to!! But I should... my exam is tomorrow night and I have hardly even read over the exam outline. >.< *sigh* Anyways, here's the next section.
OH P.S. -- There is a long section of rambling about eyes here. I have no idea what's up with that and just haven't gotten around to editing it. Remember you are reading a very rough outline, really, so just ignore the awkward parts, such as the eyes ramble. Thank lol.
Chapter seventeen, section three (pg. 51):
I left my cell phone in my room when I stumbled out of bed, late, and slowly left the next morning. I didn’t need it; it was only a reminder of the calls that wouldn’t come.
I dragged myself to class, arriving almost two hours late. When they called my name to the office at the beginning of lunch, I smiled politely and said I’d overslept. They seemed annoyed, but then they read something on their computer screen and they gently said something like, “Don’t let it happen again.”
So the next day, when I slept in even later, I forged a note. I had seen Jake’s signature on some sheets of paper sometime between my arrival in Heaven and my first days of school, it was a simple scrawl that I easily copied. When I handed it in, they didn’t even read my few words about spending time with my Guider, instead putting it aside and saying, “Thanks, honey.”
The rest of the day passed slowly that second day of extra sleep. Class dragged by, and although I’d missed half of the day, it felt as though I’d been trapped in the modern building for days. When the last bell rang, I was out the door as fast as anyone else, even though I had nowhere to be. I wandered the garden, knowing that my cell phone would be ringing up in my room with Jake’s persistence.
I didn’t understand how he thought it could just go back to being the way he was before. I’d felt his hand on mine, slipped my head onto his shoulder, how could I just forget that?
I kept playing everything back through my mind. Each word, gesture, look. I couldn’t figure the picture out; it was as though he’d changed between that night and now. He’d finally opened up, words he’d never have normally said fell from his mouth, and I backed him up. He’d fallen into place with me, or so I’d thought, until he’d suddenly pulled back. His face never revealed a thing, always composed, yet his eyes gave hints. They’d been smiling from the day I woke up here and had twinkled in that sunset. Then, they changed: they’d become blank and distant else the other day, and it was almost as if they were saying they didn’t agree with the words coming from his mouth.
Every time I closed my eyes, they looked at me, like sheets of glass frosted over with the first winter morning. They broke my heart, again and again.
I eventually made it to my room, where my phone was glowing and vibrating with another call on my sidetable.
I ignored it, laying on my bed and watching the round light fixture morph with the tears in my eyes. My phone stood silent for a minute, then beeped with a message; I picked it up.
Message 4:45pm
Fr: Jake
Tried to call. Please call me back.
I went to put the phone back on my sidetable when it beeped in my hand.
Message 4:46pm
Fr: Jake
I don’t want what happened the other day to come between us.
My fingers were suddenly moving without my full consent:
Compose Message
To: Jake
I’m sorry, not about not answering your calls, but that this happened at all. I don’t see you the same way anymore. I don’t want
Then my brain caught up with my flying fingers. I canceled the message before I could finish it.
I turned to my blue pillows, sinking my face into their artificial comfort.
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